Ignore the heart. The heart is just there to amuse you.
So yeah, getting close to being finished with comics stuff. The only thing thats going to be a challenge is effectively inking it. I've already gotten started on inking like way back, however I've been flip-flopping between penciling and inking. So much detail...
I'm tired. Been staying up till almost 4 to 6am in the morning (penciling, inking, penciling, inking...blah blah blah). I've gotten vertigo...again, and I still find myself suffering from a lack of self esteem.
It was chalk full of sun, sand, salty ocean water and the occasional crazy drunk person speaking to you in the elevator.
I had gone to the beach and did the usual, actually swam in the water for the first time since the appalling Jelly-fish incident (I WILL have my revenge!). I had worked on some comics and sketched, though for the most part just hung out with family and went to the beach.
We had some...hilarious complications.
One being that we dealt with "Fail-tent", which was a beach canopy that didnt exactly live up to our expectations when assembling it, yet it DID serve its purpose (after my uncle had tried putting it together for 2 hours in the baking sun). During the week we never took it down, so every morning we checked if anyone with enough patience to deal with the "fail -tent" would actually take the time to steal it.
It was still there. Every morning. Until my uncle took it down the night before we left lol
So yeah, I had fun. I has pictures though my phone is being lame at the moment and wont let me post them.
So tomorrow I'm gonna be leaving for a week to go to Tampa. Reason being family members invited me for to spend time with them at a condo at the beach.
I accepted it because I kinda need it. Considering all I really do is stay in my apartment and draw or go to the gym. Dont really get out much or really talk to many people anymore. Searching for a part time job still, yet my hope has officially dwindled to a tiny, withering form, dying in the corner.
My summer (with the exception of heroes con and seeing Transformers 3) hasnt really been all that great. So I'm hoping that this week at the beach will be a little rejuvenating. I'm up all night as it is, I dont really get to my bed until maybe 4 in the morning cause I'm focusing so much on trying to get artwork finished. I look like a raccoon (or a zombie, whichever you prefer) right now, so seeing me isnt really a pretty sight.
Dont worry, I'll be working on the comic book stuffs even when I'm at the beach. I have to constantly keep working or I'll lose the routine I guess.
Anywho, I am going to try and sleep.
If not I'm going to have to rely on an energy shot for the five hour drive.
I'm drawing comics. I'm looking for a job. I'm sitting at home, alone most of the time and just either job searching, drawing, or just watching netflix.
As much as I despise pouring out crap thats in my soul, this particular problem has gotten to the point where its making it difficult to even draw anymore. So therefore I cannot keep it in anymore.
If you were to ask me if I was "happy" I will answer "I am content." Well, the truth is I am far from content and its driving me crazy.
Dont get me wrong, I'm glad I'm living away from home and I'm going to the school of my dreams and studying/working to be a comic book artist. Yet right now I feel like I'm just drowning.
Its a feeling of loneliness, its a feeling of "You're not good enough", its a feeling of whatever the hell you want to call it. It's that stupid little voice thats screaming "NOBODY WANTS YOU AROUND! Because you're an annoying pain in the ass!"
Which at the moment, it kinda feels like it.
I know this seems really pathetic. Hell I'm not even sure anyone is actually going to read this, or if anyone actually cares. Guess its just my really sad attempt of writing about how I feel in order to achieve some level of comfort.
But anyway, that's my two cents tossed into the bucket of sorrows.